When Abraham and Mary Lincoln’s son, Willie, died at 11 years old in February 1862, they experienced what is called “the greatest tragedy.” Willie was their second son to die from an illness in childhood. The Lincolns were eager for solace and a place to grieve this loss when they moved to the Cottage at the Soldiers’ Home. When describing their move, Mary Lincoln wrote, “When we are in sorrow, quiet is very necessary to us.”
The trauma of child loss shaped both Lincolns. It seeded new fears they carried until they died. It deepened the limits of their emotional and mental endurance. It changed the character and course of their lives. And, the stigma of grief transcends time and place as families continue to struggle under the societal pressures of mourning the death of children in modern society.
Reflections on Grief and Child Loss is a first of its kind exhibit that bridges the Lincolns’ experience of the death of their children with modern families whose children have died inexplicably or from illness, disease, physical and gun violence. In an age where we are uncomfortable talking about death, loss, and mourning, this exhibit aims to break that silence and share the reflections of families’ grief and love. Grappling with grief is more important now than ever, as families around the world mourn the death of loved ones in the pandemic as well as the kinds of intimate social interactions that came before masks and six feet of separation.

The mission of President Lincoln’s Cottage is to use the lens of the Lincoln family’s time at the cottage as an entry point for learners of all ages to develop their own tools, skills and language to more successfully face the complex issues of today. This exhibit strives to destigmatize the grief around child loss by acknowledging the need for and establishing a language to validate this type of grief in contemporary society. The exhibit seeks to provide a safe and supportive place for parents who have lost a child to share their experience and for visitors to better understand the pressures levied against grieving parents.

As part of the exhibit development process, Howard+Revis Design worked directly with nine families who were willing to share their reflections on different facets of grief. We developed a questionnaire for the families to fill out, worked with family members to select meaningful quotes and photos to be included in the exhibit, and shared design mock-ups at each stage of the process to ensure that they were comfortable with the way that their story was being shared.

The willow tree at the center of the exhibit provides a place for grievers to share the names and memories of those for whom they grieve by writing a personal message on the vellum leaves. For those desperate to support someone in their life who is grieving, the takeaway cards at the end of the exhibit with suggestions for sitting for someone in their grief may be the most meaningful. The photographs of all the children shared by the participating parents speak to all, affirming the power of love.

While the project has succeeded in opening a dialogue on the stigmatized topic of parental grief, the most personally moving aspect of this project for our team has been the healing power of the exhibit for the nine families who participated in its making.